My blog was created when I was in my first semester of college and since then… well…A LOT has happened. If you’ve been keeping up with my blog, you’ve watched me rise and fall with the tide, crumbling at my worst and being VICTORIOUS at my best which is all great but when I go back and see everything I realize that I’ve grown and changed from so much that I’ve posted about. I’ve gathered and lost so much and my blog was my escape- like a diary that I shared with the world lol. Seeing everything and remember it all…. its not helped me further myself, just gave me somewhere to put the stupid shit I was going through and giving a few laughs along the way– some of it was clever, come on you know it was.
All-in-all I’ve decided to delete my blog and start a whole new one, one that I wont bitch on or anything lol so…. To everyone who reads my blog or sees it or what have you… Thank you and hopefully I’ll be seeing you around…
~Harlee McGinnis (of the soon to be former, YourHeartHasALackOfColor blog)
Not many of my followers know that for the past two years I’ve been living… like a gypsy. Ever since I moved out, I’ve never lived in one place too long, roughly 5-6 months in each place. It’s not that there’s anything wrong with where I live/lived, my life just has too many things going on at once and staying still is becoming a hassle. I live out of boxes and over-night bags, slowly making my way to finding my forever home and taking all this into perspective, I’ve not had a mailing address or anything for these past 2 years.
Bbbuuuttt then there’s points where I HAVE to leave a location when I’m not ready to, thus leading to the true topic of my post; finding a new place.
In my current place, we’re facing eviction and my best friend going to jail and I’ve got no where else to go. My parents have basically disowned me and I’m not on speaking terms with the vast majority of my family and Strawberry and I struggle to keep off the grind (I will never go back to that). That’s the main reason I haven’t been posting- I just can’t.
My car is becoming my battle wagon in all of this; he’s my get away car, my batmobile, my shelter from the Texas winters and hell’s summers And my only real world ttraveler, wish me luck ❤
So… obviously a lot has changed since I started my blog… I look back and read my posts from a year ago and I can almost see the spiral that sent me down, down, down and off my beaten path. Since dropping out of college, I’ve moved to Missouri to be with a guy that I thought would be my forever… only to have that be finished with after only a few weeks, I learned the value of a dollar with a man I had just met face-to-face that I should’ve known my whole life, I realized how hard driving on snow and ice is (haha, they don’t teach you that in Texas!), I met my Strawberry for the second time and who seemed to make everything a lot better… I wasn’t lonely anymore, I moved back home, moved Strawberry and then moved in with Strawberry and now I’m here… And I really didn’t expect anything like this to happen. I thought my adventure ended back in Stockton, MO with John but through some sick twists of fate… I made it something much more.
I’ve literally given up my future (at least putting it on pause for right now), met my father (for the first time at then-18 years), I met an AMAZING woman that I am very, very proud to call my step-mother, I burned a few bridges, made a bunch of mistakes, developed a hatred for grocery stores <_<, (through Mason) developed a whole different understanding of religion and its effects on a culture and a psyche, re-assured what I really want to do with my life and opened up to the idea of letting someone in that I had heard so much negativity of but they turned out to be an incredibly sweet and easy person (yes Faith, you) and I regret absolutely nothing from this experience…
Sometimes life throws you one hell of a curveball and sure there are some details I’m leaving out for personal measures but.. I’d honestly go back and do it all again. So here’s to you Mas and everyone else I’ve met thus far, you’ve done so much more than you’ll ever know…
It’s finally happened! Strawberry and I are officially all moved in to our new room!!! I just set up the internet and stuff today so I FINALLY have that (no more going to my mom’s house to update the blog and stuff!!!!!!) and you know what that means!? NETFLIXXXXXXXX (I can FFFIIINNAALLLYYYY catch up on all the new Doctor Who episodes too!!!) On a plus, Mason absolutely loves his new job and he’s going to be getting paid more than me so we will be able to do more things together!! YAY FOR NOT LIVING ON THE GRIND ANYMORE!!!
All-in-all, I’m happy that everything is turning around and after a stressful yet fulfilling few months, we can finally rest easy knowing something is going right and we’re safe.
Side note: Mason and I watched Knocked Up last night and now he wants a baby??? (not right now but its nice to know that it’s an option for the future) and with all of our friends getting pregnant and having babies…. The baby fever is setting in for both of us O_O!!
Time to live vicariously through them for a while :D!
Strawberry and I are getting an apartment together soon ^_^ and there’s been a lot of serious talk about our future and what nots…. all is well lately, I’ve been crazy busy with life a lot lately and it’s growing tiresome but I’m hanging in there!!
Mm… Doctor’s office, my old friend… and how have you been as of the recent? Oh? No changes? how fascinating… Oh me? You should know better than to ask…
Ever since I was… let’s say 14, I knew something was going on inside of my body. Eating certain foods made me sick, it made my stomach hurt but it had never done that before… found out I have IBS. Fast forward to age 16, high school Harlee has missed 18 days of school due to being sick and is being blood tested… fast forward to age 18, high school senior Harlee is being charged truancy for missing 20+ days and had to plead to the school board to reinstate her credits so she could graduate (thank god for the doctor’s notes, parent’s notes and her good grades right?). It’s at this point that she’s been poked and prodded with needleson and off since her sweet 16th year while her doctor tries to figure out what the hell is going on… and then suddenly… Stomach flu, strep throat, stomach bug all within 2 months in which she immediately develops Post-Strep Arthritis… great… (on the plus side, my credits were reinstated!)
Fast forward some more, I’m in college, and I find out about the Hypothyroidism stuff and ANA positivity which means, you guessed it, MORE BLOOD TESTING! Testing, testing, testing, ANA positive again, fun stuff. Now… skipping my time in Missouri where I did absolutely nothing about my health at all, move to April when I’m blood tested AGAIN, my ANA is negative… and my thyroid is normalish but I’d been having problems with my legs for a few years at that point so they send me to a rheumatologist. MORE BLOOD TESTINGGGGand my ANA is negative again but I show a severe vitamin D deficiency and my thyroid is showing signs of thyroiditis… (one side is hyper, the other is hypo) more blood testing… some x-rays of my legs, fun stuff…
Now, I’m 19 year old Harlee… about to HOPEFULLY find out what the fuck has been going on and if these result come back inconclusive… Time for me to meet my new Endocrinologist.
There’s a big difference between my life now and the life I had in college. For starters… I have a job… not that its something I’ve never had before but I mean… didn’t have one in college…. or a game plan for that matter but I digress.
About that whole job thing though… I wake up every morning LOATHING myself and everyone and everything and I just want to scream at the very idea of going off and scanning the same barcodes over the same scanners and talking to the same people and doing the same things over and over and over and over and… well you get the point.
Now I’m not saying that everyone feels this way or anything, some people legitimately love working there and that’s all fine and dandy but for me its like walking into the same scene from your least favorite movie and replaying it over and over and over ESPECIALLY when no one in my home town is actually nice and has a snake tongue behind every word.
So… after 5 months of complaining and constantly hating myself… I’m fixing the problem. I’ve decided to move away from retail because it really does suck and move towards an actual 9-5 job where I can FINALLY GET THE WEEKENDS OFF! and spend some well needed time with Mason. Here’s to the future Harlee and all the crazy adventures that shall be had!
UPDATE: I got this job at the local Asian restaurant!!! ^_^ yay! No more grocery store!
I made the looooong trip back home yesterday, following my family across 3 state lines and its definitely been a journey. I remember when I was in college and thought the world was at my fingertips, easy to achieve the high standard without trying- and as you can see I was waaaaay wrong. College was fun but I never took it seriously and fucked around with too many things to really focus on what and where I needed to go and do and I dragged a great friend and a great roommate into that (sorry Tori!!)
There are few things I really regret in life and taking advantage of bad situations is a big one and I can definitely say that dorm life is different than living on your own and living in your home. I’ve grown more in the last 4 months than I ever did in college and within reason. I’ve experience stupidity at its finest, the loss of someone you loved, deterioration of “lasting relations”, going daaaaayyysss without eating anything because I never had money, working nights to never being able to afford gas, learning the true value of what a dollar can buy you, fighting to stand against a man I thought I could trust with my blood and it all pieced together to form a new view on my situations.
I learned I wasn’t ready to do things on my own, wasn’t as mature or level headed as I had thought and it took a big smack in the face and stomp on the hand to really help me see that so… as an update:
I’ve been working to save up for emergencies, moved back home to cut down living expenses, couponing-price matching to save cash; falling short many times, have barely enough to pay my bills and have gas for my car, realizing that a box of cheez-its and a few apples can be a meal for the next 3 days (maybe some rice somewhere in there), found a guy who makes me laugh~ let me do mah shiz on my own king Strawberry!, and holding true to every promise and owning up to every mistake I’ve ever made.
So if you’ve been following my blog, you’d know that I’ve had a lot of recent struggle with moving to Missouri from Texas. Well, I’m pretty pleased to say that on Saturday I will be making the long trip back home where I belong. I’m pretty excited and all packed up. I can leave Missouri knowing I tried which is the important thing and this has been… unforgettable to say the least.