TOTAL ANNIHILATION!!

My blog was created when I was in my first semester of college and since then… well… A LOT has happened. If you’ve been keeping up with my blog, you’ve watched me rise and fall with the tide, crumbling at my worst and being VICTORIOUS at my best which is all great but when I go back and see everything I realize that I’ve grown and changed from so much that I’ve posted about. I’ve gathered and lost so much and my blog was my escape- like a diary that I shared with the world lol. Seeing everything and remember it all…. its not helped me further myself, just gave me somewhere to put the stupid shit I was going through and giving a few laughs along the waysome of it was clever, come on you know it was.

All-in-all I’ve decided to delete my blog and start a whole new one, one that I wont bitch on or anything lol so…. To everyone who reads my blog or sees it or what have you… Thank you and hopefully I’ll be seeing you around…

~Harlee McGinnis (of the soon to be former, YourHeartHasALackOfColor blog)

August Engagement???

I still keep in touch with two of the most amazing people I’ve ever met that live in Missouri- my “uncle” Steve and my “aunt” Karen. I love these two so much and they mean everything to me and then some for all that they did for me when I needed help the most and wasn’t getting it from my father. Well, in August, Strawberry and I will be visiting them for their anniversary! They’re already completely in love with him so I know that they will get along great. Karen was saying how she wants Strawberry and I to get married while we are out there so that Steve can give me away and that they can be a part of my wedding and I had to break it to them that Strawberry and I are in no hurry at all to get married and weren’t really planning on it for a very long time and that’s when Strawberry took the phone from me and said that, “not to spoil any surprises, but you guys might see an engagement when we come see you.”

 

Does that mean what I think it means?

 

c: all the smiles

c: all the smiles

Meeting Strawberry (this is a good one!)

    1. Strawberry and I met in elementary school sometime around 3rd grade. I had this massive crush (one of those cute little childhood ones)

     on him but he didn’t know anything of that and we were just best friends. I loved how eccentric and different he was and he was funny and sweet and a good friend; all the good stuff.

  1. In the 6th grade my feelings didn’t really change; he was still my best friend and I still liked him but he really had a thing for one of my best friends at the time so of course, you stay quiet and just watch with slight jealousy but because its middle school and you’ve got all this awkward emotional turmoil and hormones and junk.. not fun. He ended up moved away that year and we didn’t talk after that. It was a little heart breaking but I still thought we would eventually see each other again. I feel like it was a good thing and a bad thing that he left because 6th-9th grade I was bullied and made fun of for being in the “weird kid” group and no one ever looked at me or thought of me the way I had seen him and it ended with me setting a very high and almost unachievable standard based loosely on Strawberry himself.

  2. Around this time I had met Jon, my now ex-fiancé, and my standards began to change a bit to fit the needs and wants that I saw in both personalities and styles. I wanted someone tall, someone who was strong (or at least stronger than me), someone who could make me laugh and make me feel happy. They had to be able to fluctuate with my ever changing ideas and needs and they had to have passion in something and they had to love reading or writing or drawing or painting- I wanted someone creative. They had to have red hair (Strawberry) or black and curly hair (Jon) and they had to have dark eyes or green eyes (because those are my favorites, not because of anyone specific) and the list just goes on and it created this perfection that I strived to find but never really came close to.

!!!This is the good part!!!

Years had now passed and I had since then graduated high school, went to college, dropped out of college, got engaged, ran off with my boyfriend to my dad’s, had my heart completely broken and was working a dead end job being miserable in Missouri (Misery, ha!) There was always a thought in my mind that I missed Mason and many times since he had moved, I looked for him on Myspace or Facebook and one day… I found him. He OBVIOUSLY looks COMPLETELY different, yet still the same and I got so excited that I had wanted to cry. My feelings had long since disappeared  but I was just so elated that I had found one of my most favorite people ever and had the chance to once again reconnect. Now, in full honesty, I was terrified that he wouldn’t remember me at all and had turned into one of those guys I had dealt with my whole life- douche-y, arrogant, obnoxious, always thought he was funny but wasn’t… one of those guys, but to my surprise, he wasn’t like that at all. He was sweet, genuinely funny, remembered me (yay!), and was just… everything that I remembered and more and it was then that everything I had felt, all the happiness and the missing him and loneliness and craziness… everything just kind of came rushing back and I fell for this guy that I hadn’t seen in 7 years who lived back in my home state! We talked for a long time and soon after, our phone conversations lasted 5 hours and then 9 hours and then 11 hours and then 15 hours, all the while keeping some kind of conversation flowing. It was then that I decided that I would tell him how I felt and I made it clear that if he didn’t feel the same it wouldn’t change our friendship at all but I got lucky and he said he liked me back! ^^ That night he asked if I would be his girlfriend to which I said yes and we’ve been together since. I can honestly say that Mason fulfills everything about my “perfect lover” profile and so much more and I feel so thankful to have him in my life once more…

Since that time… I’ve moved back to Texas, got a new job, fell crazy in-love with Strawberry, stopped talking to Jon and I’m just… the happiest I’ve been in a very long time…

Strawberry and I making goofy faces c:

Strawberry and I making goofy faces c:

Jon's usual face

Jon’s usual face

Sane peanut is going crazy.

I’ve always been one of those girls who was never really “relationship crazy”. I’ve always been pretty level headed when it comes to my love life, be it with whoever, and I believed that space was good for the blooming flower that is love and it allowed for it to grow.

But then I started talking to Strawberry all over again and I just lost… ALL of my cool.

It makes me so mad that this boy, out of everyone ever, EVER, doesn’t even try to impress me and is just his weird and goofy self and suddenly he’s completely irresistible and the times that I spend with him are just never enough.

I tell him all the time that I’m not crazy but he makes me crazy!!!

Strawberry broke my PlayStation… almost.

About two weeks ago I let Mason borrow my sweet little baby, my PlayStation 3 and it’s good friend Borderlands 2. All was well for a while… Mason went back home (like I’ve said, he lives a few hours away) and I let him take it with him so he can finish the game and then we can have the inside jokes and all this other stuff. I got a text last Friday saying that my PlayStation (nicknamed Chanticleer) had fallen from his TV stand and is no longer showing audio or visuals…

WHAT?!?

Oh don’t get me wrong, I was pissed…. for like 10 seconds. I love Chanticleer but I trust Mason enough with my most prize possession and there is and was no need to be upset by it… no matter how long I had to wait in line and how much money I’ve spent…

All-in-all though, it was a cable that had broken and he replaced it with a HDMI one and now it works perfectly which, of course, I’m very, very pleased with! ❤ Even if it had broken, I was fully prepared to replace it and Mason offered too but… meh I wanted to.

That being said, I get to see my lovely and my obsession very soon!!!!!

The origin of “King Strawberry”

So… This category is basically for my posts in which Mason is involved in and a part of etc. and part of that should be explaining the title.

Mason has bright red hair and green eyes and freckles and through a lot of late night talking and some random inspirational sketching, I’ve concluded that he looks like a strawberry to me :3 but he’s 6’3 and really attractive (and I’ve never personally looked at a strawberry and thought, “wow… that strawberry is very handsome”) so it was decided that he’s the king of strawberries.

That being said, it has been the cause of many…. many…. sketches about strawberries and peanuts and strange and almost disturbing strawberry people….

 

explanations ._.

King Strawberry needs to come and save me again.

Mason and I are no longer “long distance” but we are relatively long distance. He lives a few hours away from me now and I see him whenever he visits family in the town next to mine… I don’t see him as often as I would like and I never really get to talk to him but scarcely when he’s at him which depresses the ever living hell out of me.

I have a high anxiety of being alone both physically and emotionally so when I’m by myself, I usually curl up with my animals and there’s a lot of talking to myself and crying (which is pretty pathetic at my age, yes I’m aware.) This doesn’t mean I’m needy for companionship, it just means that every so often in a day I need to talk to someone or see someone familiar to calm a panic that I feel in my chest…

My issue right now is that I haven’t seen him in two weeks and I only got to talk to him for a couple hours one day in that time… depression is slowly starting to set in and as much as I try to distract myself which various jobs and projects, nothing seems to be working anymore and I’m at this point where I’m needing to talk to him or see him or feel him or kiss him or hug him or hit him or just…. be with him…

 

King Strawberry needs to come save me again and he needs to hurry.

Beauty.

I’m a firm believer in the idea that beauty is a big part of everything and there will be some self righteous people who say that beauty doesn’t matter or

whatever but let’s be real, you wouldn’t enjoy anything of it wasn’t appealing in some way.

    However, when I say beauty I mean it in an awe-striking kind of way, like how this much beauty (skin or scenery or whatever) can be packed into something so simple and it be absolutely extraordinary.

It’s cheesy but I  love people watching and picking out my favorite thing about each person I pass, be it their smile or laugh or stride- something basic all the while searching for someone who meets my idea of perfection. Something so unrealistic and something so absurd that to find it would be sin in itself; impossible or unlikely.

I always come close and very rarely does everything almost fit together and whenever I find it, I can never stop staring…

A little unsettling being a little too careful

I’ve recently been involved with this really great guy that I have so much in common with and I often find myself thinking about him… and when I say often, I mean OFTEN. He makes me feel like I’m funny and I feel kinda comfortable and safe with him which scares me a little. The last time I felt this at ease was when I was with my ex fiance and that was only after a loooong time of being together, not this fast. I’m not rushing into anything, I don’t want to be disappointed should I expect more and don’t receive it but is it wrong to say that I’m falling? I want to know him so much better but I have this overwhelming need to talk to him and to hear his laugh and I want to make him feel like he makes me feel- like I’m home. It’s a little unsettling being a little too careful with him because it’s all I can do not to want to kiss him all over his strawberry goober gingerberry face. I want to stay guarded and I want to be distant, just until I know everything is okay but I feel so eased and mellow… I dunno… maybe this needs to happen, maybe he’s just the guy that I need to click into my crazy and messed up life and family, lord knows he might fit in.

Just a thought.