I’m not sure if I’ve ever mentioned it, but for a loooooong time now I’ve known that there was something wrong with my body. I was always sick, always tired, always having weight fluxuations, always sore, always creaking. At first, I thought it was normal; a growing girl? But I began noticing that my body would get weak and I became sick after eating certain foods. I would gain weight so fast and lose it so slowly and of course, to a 13 year old girl, that completely shattered my confidence. I ignored it at first, went about my day, but I became the butt of jokes at my school. I was bullied for being the “weird girl” or the “sick girl”, the “fat girl” or the “ugly girl”.
This continued until eventually I had enough and a lot of stuff went down and OF COURSE my body got weaker. I found out, after I had entered High School, that I had developed IBS and during my senior year, I found out that there was something wrong with my thyroid (which turned into hypothyroidism). After learning about the hypothyroidism, we found out that it had a lot of do with my weight gain and my hormone levels fluxuating and a bunch of other shit that aided in my middle school years being miserable. This wasn’t horrible and easily something I would live with but to make matters worse, I got strep throat soon after and after that I developed Post Streptococcal (post strep) Arthritis that just… never went away.
I don’t know if you’ve ever felt full body pain that hurts so much that it paralyzes you, but that’s what post strep is. I woke up and the very act of wiggling my fingers shot a series of painful spasms across my arm and body, I couldn’t even move without crying in pain. Its like every joint and muscle in your body lacks any kind of strength and support and I felt so bad for my parents who honestly had no idea about any of it. My dad would say I was over reacting and that I needed to just get over it, my mom would kind of just think I was being sluggish or lazy but I think with her, after a few days with nothing getting better she became worried.
The post strep (this time) lasted about a week and after that I was moving around like before. I thought that it was all just a weird experience but not long after (my body is weak, remember?) I got the flu and it AAALLLL came back at once and this time lasted a full month. My mother gave me a walker for when I got like that which I’m thankful for because I was never the same after that. My joints would creak and ache and I would get so sore and it just got worse and worse.
Now I’m 18, still have IBS… still have Hypothyroidism… my joints are a hell of a lot worse and recently found out that I have a good chance of having juvenile arthritis or Lupus disease. It’s all a lot of medical things and ALL OF IT is genetic.
This is the story of my creaking and shrieking body, it sucks but I just have to make the best of my bad situations.
Your Heart Has A Lack Of Color 