pinching pennies | Your Heart Has A Lack Of Color

Things will never go your way and when they (rarely) do, its because something had to go wrong to go right. Recently they’ve cut my hours at works which means that I wont have enough money for rent for the new home… not really too terrible considering WHERE it is but it’s still pretty “sucker-punch-ya-to-the-gut-cuz-ya-thought-you-were-doing-all-of-the-right-things”… ya know?

I’m learning how to handle the heavy stuff… very slowly… and I cant really afford to be slow right now. I’m doing everything on my own and I’m becoming very, very stressed and buckling under the pressure of it all. I told myself at the beginning of the bad that I would never let Mason see me fall and I will still stand with that statement even if there’s cracks in the foundation. I am my own support system- Strawberry has the emotional support down though…

Just trying to make ends meet…

Just a thought.

I made the looooong trip back home yesterday, following my family across 3 state lines and its definitely been a journey. I remember when I was in college and thought the world was at my fingertips, easy to achieve the high standard without trying- and as you can see I was waaaaay wrong. College was fun but I never took it seriously and fucked around with too many things to really focus on what and where I needed to go and do and I dragged a great friend and a great roommate into that (sorry Tori!!)

There are few things I really regret in life and taking advantage of bad situations is a big one and I can definitely say that dorm life is different than living on your own and living in your home. I’ve grown more in the last 4 months than I ever did in college and within reason. I’ve experience stupidity at its finest, the loss of someone you loved, deterioration of “lasting relations”, going daaaaayyysss without eating anything because I never had money, working nights to never being able to afford gas, learning the true value of what a dollar can buy you, fighting to stand against a man I thought I could trust with my blood and it all pieced together to form a new view on my situations.

I learned I wasn’t ready to do things on my own, wasn’t as mature or level headed as I had thought and it took a big smack in the face and stomp on the hand to really help me see that so… as an update:

I’ve been working to save up for emergencies, moved back home to cut down living expenses, couponing-price matching to save cash; falling short many times, have barely enough to pay my bills and have gas for my car, realizing that a box of cheez-its and a few apples can be a meal for the next 3 days (maybe some rice somewhere in there), found a guy who makes me laugh~ let me do mah shiz on my own king Strawberry!, and holding true to every promise and owning up to every mistake I’ve ever made.

Growing up sucks.