Moving too slow in the fast lane.

Things will never go your way and when they (rarely) do, its because something had to go wrong to go right. Recently they’ve cut my hours at works which means that I wont have enough money for rent for the new home… not really too terrible considering WHERE it is but it’s still pretty “sucker-punch-ya-to-the-gut-cuz-ya-thought-you-were-doing-all-of-the-right-things”… ya know?

I’m learning how to handle the heavy stuff… very slowly… and I cant really afford to be slow right now. I’m doing everything on my own and I’m becoming very, very stressed and buckling under the pressure of it all. I told myself at the beginning of the bad that I would never let Mason see me fall and I will still stand with that statement even if there’s cracks in the foundation. I am my own support system- Strawberry has the emotional support down though…

 

Just trying to make ends meet…

Just a thought.

So who is Harlee?

So… I figured it would probably be a good idea to sort of  introduce myself and tell you a little about me since…. I haven’t done that yet. I’ve shared some big moments in my life and you still don’t know anything about what led up to those things so….

My name is Harlee Asher and I’m 19 years old (20 come the end of this year). I’m a Sagittarius :D! I’ve lived in Texas my entire life, give or take some months that I lived in Missouri, and I will probably never leave it again. My favorite color is red but I LOVE every color as well. I’m an acrylic chalk artist, the canvas kind- not side walk. I work for an Asian restaurant and its one of the more favorite jobs I’ve ever had. I’m LGBTQ* (some of my adventure of which are in My Heart is Full of Colors). I have a ginger boyfriend named Mason but I call him Strawberry. I have grey blue eyes. I love art in all forms, its very relaxing for me to do and to see. I love video games, super heroes, super villains, sci-fi, fanfiction, anime… all of it. I live by the motto: “adventure awaits!” and it puts me into a lot of compromising situations but what good adventure doesn’t right? I’m a “medical mystery” so to say. I love vegetables. I don’t/can’t eat a lot of red meat but I try to anyways (I need to stop that too.) I went to college. I dropped out of college. I’m paying student loans from college. I’m going back to college…. Lots of college… I’m studying to be a social worker. When I text or message people, I can never send a message that doesn’t have some sort or smiley in it but I hate emoticons. I typo constantly.

that’s basically my gist :3

August Engagement???

I still keep in touch with two of the most amazing people I’ve ever met that live in Missouri- my “uncle” Steve and my “aunt” Karen. I love these two so much and they mean everything to me and then some for all that they did for me when I needed help the most and wasn’t getting it from my father. Well, in August, Strawberry and I will be visiting them for their anniversary! They’re already completely in love with him so I know that they will get along great. Karen was saying how she wants Strawberry and I to get married while we are out there so that Steve can give me away and that they can be a part of my wedding and I had to break it to them that Strawberry and I are in no hurry at all to get married and weren’t really planning on it for a very long time and that’s when Strawberry took the phone from me and said that, “not to spoil any surprises, but you guys might see an engagement when we come see you.”

 

Does that mean what I think it means?

 

c: all the smiles

Meeting Strawberry (this is a good one!)

1. 3. Strawberry and I met in elementary school sometime around 3rd grade. I had this massive crush (one of those cute little childhood ones)

    on him but he didn’t know anything of that and we were just best friends. I loved how eccentric and different he was and he was funny and sweet and a good friend; all the good stuff.

3. In the 6th grade my feelings didn’t really change; he was still my best friend and I still liked him but he really had a thing for one of my best friends at the time so of course, you stay quiet and just watch with slight jealousy but because its middle school and you’ve got all this awkward emotional turmoil and hormones and junk.. not fun. He ended up moved away that year and we didn’t talk after that. It was a little heart breaking but I still thought we would eventually see each other again. I feel like it was a good thing and a bad thing that he left because 6th-9th grade I was bullied and made fun of for being in the “weird kid” group and no one ever looked at me or thought of me the way I had seen him and it ended with me setting a very high and almost unachievable standard based loosely on Strawberry himself.

5. Around this time I had met Jon, my now ex-fiancé, and my standards began to change a bit to fit the needs and wants that I saw in both personalities and styles. I wanted someone tall, someone who was strong (or at least stronger than me), someone who could make me laugh and make me feel happy. They had to be able to fluctuate with my ever changing ideas and needs and they had to have passion in something and they had to love reading or writing or drawing or painting- I wanted someone creative. They had to have red hair (Strawberry) or black and curly hair (Jon) and they had to have dark eyes or green eyes (because those are my favorites, not because of anyone specific) and the list just goes on and it created this perfection that I strived to find but never really came close to.

!!!This is the good part!!!

Years had now passed and I had since then graduated high school, went to college, dropped out of college, got engaged, ran off with my boyfriend to my dad’s, had my heart completely broken and was working a dead end job being miserable in Missouri (Misery, ha!) There was always a thought in my mind that I missed Mason and many times since he had moved, I looked for him on Myspace or Facebook and one day… I found him. He OBVIOUSLY looks COMPLETELY different, yet still the same and I got so excited that I had wanted to cry. My feelings had long since disappeared  but I was just so elated that I had found one of my most favorite people ever and had the chance to once again reconnect. Now, in full honesty, I was terrified that he wouldn’t remember me at all and had turned into one of those guys I had dealt with my whole life- douche-y, arrogant, obnoxious, always thought he was funny but wasn’t… one of those guys, but to my surprise, he wasn’t like that at all. He was sweet, genuinely funny, remembered me (yay!), and was just… everything that I remembered and more and it was then that everything I had felt, all the happiness and the missing him and loneliness and craziness… everything just kind of came rushing back and I fell for this guy that I hadn’t seen in 7 years who lived back in my home state! We talked for a long time and soon after, our phone conversations lasted 5 hours and then 9 hours and then 11 hours and then 15 hours, all the while keeping some kind of conversation flowing. It was then that I decided that I would tell him how I felt and I made it clear that if he didn’t feel the same it wouldn’t change our friendship at all but I got lucky and he said he liked me back! ^^ That night he asked if I would be his girlfriend to which I said yes and we’ve been together since. I can honestly say that Mason fulfills everything about my “perfect lover” profile and so much more and I feel so thankful to have him in my life once more…

Since that time… I’ve moved back to Texas, got a new job, fell crazy in-love with Strawberry, stopped talking to Jon and I’m just… the happiest I’ve been in a very long time…

Strawberry and I making goofy faces c:

Jon’s usual face

King Strawberry needs to come and save me again.

Mason and I are no longer “long distance” but we are relatively long distance. He lives a few hours away from me now and I see him whenever he visits family in the town next to mine… I don’t see him as often as I would like and I never really get to talk to him but scarcely when he’s at him which depresses the ever living hell out of me.

I have a high anxiety of being alone both physically and emotionally so when I’m by myself, I usually curl up with my animals and there’s a lot of talking to myself and crying (which is pretty pathetic at my age, yes I’m aware.) This doesn’t mean I’m needy for companionship, it just means that every so often in a day I need to talk to someone or see someone familiar to calm a panic that I feel in my chest…

My issue right now is that I haven’t seen him in two weeks and I only got to talk to him for a couple hours one day in that time… depression is slowly starting to set in and as much as I try to distract myself which various jobs and projects, nothing seems to be working anymore and I’m at this point where I’m needing to talk to him or see him or feel him or kiss him or hug him or hit him or just…. be with him…

 

King Strawberry needs to come save me again and he needs to hurry.

I just wanna go home.

   Things aren’t going as well as I had wanted them to since I moved here. I’ve learned a lot of things here and they’re more than enough to learn a lesson from; I wasn’t ready to leave everything behind yet. Between the whole mess with Jon and work/money situations and this overbearing complication with making friends, I really miss home. Stuff between Ryan, Tery and I aren’t coming over smoothly either. There’s a lot of fighting and a lot of behind-your-back bitching (there’s nicer ways to say it but I’m far too frustrated with the situation to care). I don’t think I would mind everything as much if I wasn’t absolutely by myself; I’m kinda done being “united and untied” to stuff and I’m ready for actual stability. Depression is setting in faster than I can find ways to fix it and all I really want to do is sleep and be to myself which doesn’t help any.

On a little brighter note, I recently got into contact with this boy that I’ve known since elementary school and had this major crush on before he moved away when we were in middle school. Since then, we have been in constant contact and its weird but I definitely still see this great and sweet guy who I happen to have a lot in common with c: When I talk to him I feel a little better about all this mess…

Hopefully I’ll return home soon.

Messy hair, don’t care.

Adopting Your Own Kid.

So… if you’ve kept up with my posts, you know that I’ve recently moved to Missouri to be with my dad and my step-mom (and Jon) but the flip side of the whole thing is that I didn’t know of my father until I was 10 years old, didn’t contact him until March of 2013 and didn’t meet with him face-t0-face until November 2013 so its been a pretty wild year… but this post isn’t so much about my dad but about my step-mother, Tery.

Tery is easily one of the sweetest people I’ve ever met and her and I have so much in common. We like the same music, food, movies, same outlooks on things.. there’s just a lot (: Recently Tery apologized to me because she didn’t know if I would take offense to the fact that she’s introduced me as her daughter to everyone which I DO NOT!!! Tery and Ryan are definitely becoming a big part of my everything right now and I was just beyond happy to know that she’s accepted me so fast into a position that is so important and it’s nice to know that I’m in the family tree (and they’re introducing Jon as their son-in-law so he’s there too.)

I really think I’m gonna enjoy myself, just need to get over the culture shock of going from a city/suburb life to a middle-of-nowhere life.

Romance.

Personally, I feel like romance is a big, big, BBIIIGGGG part of a relationship, even if that relationship has lasted decades and I don’t mean that the relationship has to be ALL ABOUT romance… the little stuff is just as important as the big stuff… I’m saying that it is really, really nice to feel special and feel completely in love and have all of that mushy gooey crap even if its just for a minute; its nice to be reminded of the feelings you felt the very first time you kissed your special someone or the excitement of your first date or the moment you knew you were completely head over heels in love… Sometimes that is all someone really needs to make them feel better about anything.

 

Just a thought…

Car Rides and Gas Station Kisses

So, things didn’t initially go as planned…  Just as my family was about an hour away from picking me up from my college, their car broke down and my friend Cori and I had to drive back and forth from the school to the gas station they were stranded at so I could deliver my things.

It was at that point that I got to meet Jon 🙂 and then I turtled…. The entire car ride back to school I had this goofy ass smile on my face and I couldn’t look at him without feeling like a complete weirdo and what made me more anxious was the drive back to the gas station because it was just us two but after a bit I finally relaxed and enjoyed the drive. By the time we had gotten back and settled in at the gas station, it was already 6 am. My dad had pulled his car off to the side of the convenient store and Jon and I parked in the front and waited for it to open. After that 🙂 we got to have our first kiss… in front of the Diamond Shamrock in Denison, Texas. not the most glamorous place but I loved it either way. The sun began to rise around 7/7:30 and we watched from the window of my car together ^_^

All-in-all that day, Jon and I both got about 2-3 hours of sleep. We had to wait for a money transfer to go through so we could buy a U-Haul truck to tow my things and the vehicle to Missouri and spent maybe… 15 hours at that one gas station just waiting and then another 7 hours driving to Missouri itself. We are back now and officially recovered from our lack of sleep (I slept until 3pm, Jon slept until 6). Can’t wait for what tomorrow will bring! ^_^

relaxation time!!

My Strange Hiatus? and BBBIIGGG UPDATE!!

WHOA! I haven’t blogged in so long! Anyways, BBIIGGG UPDATE!!!

I’m moving to Missouri!!! My boyfriend and I are moving into my father and step-mother’s house together so obviously things are pretty hectic! Between studying for finals and this moving arrangement, I haven’t really been able to get on here in a while (my hiatus excuse.. I think?) I plan to blog more as my movement comes to an end (just 3 more days!!) so expect to see more of me!!

 

I don’t even know anymore