Moved In.

It’s finally happened! Strawberry and I are officially all moved in to our new room!!! I just set up the internet and stuff today so I FINALLY have that (no more going to my mom’s house to update the blog and stuff!!!!!!) and you know what that means!? NETFLIXXXXXXXX (I can FFFIIINNAALLLYYYY catch up on all the new Doctor Who episodes too!!!) On a plus, Mason absolutely loves his new job and he’s going to be getting paid more than me so we will be able to do more things together!! YAY FOR NOT LIVING ON THE GRIND ANYMORE!!!

All-in-all, I’m happy that everything is turning around and after a stressful yet fulfilling few months, we can finally rest easy knowing something is going right and we’re safe.

Side note: Mason and I watched Knocked Up last night and now he wants a baby??? (not right now but its nice to know that it’s an option for the future) and with all of our friends getting pregnant and having babies…. The baby fever is setting in for both of us O_O!!

Time to live vicariously through them for a while :D!

 

Moving too slow in the fast lane.

Things will never go your way and when they (rarely) do, its because something had to go wrong to go right. Recently they’ve cut my hours at works which means that I wont have enough money for rent for the new home… not really too terrible considering WHERE it is but it’s still pretty “sucker-punch-ya-to-the-gut-cuz-ya-thought-you-were-doing-all-of-the-right-things”… ya know?

I’m learning how to handle the heavy stuff… very slowly… and I cant really afford to be slow right now. I’m doing everything on my own and I’m becoming very, very stressed and buckling under the pressure of it all. I told myself at the beginning of the bad that I would never let Mason see me fall and I will still stand with that statement even if there’s cracks in the foundation. I am my own support system- Strawberry has the emotional support down though…

 

Just trying to make ends meet…

Just a thought.

6 am stretch…

Strawberry and I are pulling an all nighter… I’m supposed to be cleaning my house (which I’m so lazy to start DX<) and he’s…. well he’s playing Skyrim…. I honestly think it’s time to turn in and quick clean tomorrow morning before my parents come home…. DOING IT!

August Engagement???

I still keep in touch with two of the most amazing people I’ve ever met that live in Missouri- my “uncle” Steve and my “aunt” Karen. I love these two so much and they mean everything to me and then some for all that they did for me when I needed help the most and wasn’t getting it from my father. Well, in August, Strawberry and I will be visiting them for their anniversary! They’re already completely in love with him so I know that they will get along great. Karen was saying how she wants Strawberry and I to get married while we are out there so that Steve can give me away and that they can be a part of my wedding and I had to break it to them that Strawberry and I are in no hurry at all to get married and weren’t really planning on it for a very long time and that’s when Strawberry took the phone from me and said that, “not to spoil any surprises, but you guys might see an engagement when we come see you.”

 

Does that mean what I think it means?

 

c: all the smiles

My last leg

Lately things have been pretty unpleasant and very stressful in my house. My step-grandfather passed last week and so there’s that as well as some pre-existing problems between me and my stepfather. It’s very, very bad right now and its to the point where just looking at me will make him start screaming for no reason (and this is how its been since I moved back home.)

I’ve got nothing left to give him anymore and its going so far as to where he’s threatening me and I’m just at my breaking point. My last leg.

So, here’s to my job for giving me a place to run away to, to my friends for being there for me to vent, to Jon for being the person I can always talk to when I’m alone and to my King Strawberry for putting up with and listening to me about my family and my depression.

I feel like I’m sinking to the bottom of the ocean, my only companion is the anchor tied to my ankles.

A little unsettling being a little too careful

I’ve recently been involved with this really great guy that I have so much in common with and I often find myself thinking about him… and when I say often, I mean OFTEN. He makes me feel like I’m funny and I feel kinda comfortable and safe with him which scares me a little. The last time I felt this at ease was when I was with my ex fiance and that was only after a loooong time of being together, not this fast. I’m not rushing into anything, I don’t want to be disappointed should I expect more and don’t receive it but is it wrong to say that I’m falling? I want to know him so much better but I have this overwhelming need to talk to him and to hear his laugh and I want to make him feel like he makes me feel- like I’m home. It’s a little unsettling being a little too careful with him because it’s all I can do not to want to kiss him all over his strawberry goober gingerberry face. I want to stay guarded and I want to be distant, just until I know everything is okay but I feel so eased and mellow… I dunno… maybe this needs to happen, maybe he’s just the guy that I need to click into my crazy and messed up life and family, lord knows he might fit in.

Just a thought.

The long trip.

So if you’ve been following my blog, you’d know that I’ve had a lot of recent struggle with moving to Missouri from Texas. Well, I’m pretty pleased to say that on Saturday I will be making the long trip back home where I belong. I’m pretty excited and all packed up. I can leave Missouri knowing I tried which is the important thing and this has been… unforgettable to say the least.

I just wanna go home.

   Things aren’t going as well as I had wanted them to since I moved here. I’ve learned a lot of things here and they’re more than enough to learn a lesson from; I wasn’t ready to leave everything behind yet. Between the whole mess with Jon and work/money situations and this overbearing complication with making friends, I really miss home. Stuff between Ryan, Tery and I aren’t coming over smoothly either. There’s a lot of fighting and a lot of behind-your-back bitching (there’s nicer ways to say it but I’m far too frustrated with the situation to care). I don’t think I would mind everything as much if I wasn’t absolutely by myself; I’m kinda done being “united and untied” to stuff and I’m ready for actual stability. Depression is setting in faster than I can find ways to fix it and all I really want to do is sleep and be to myself which doesn’t help any.

On a little brighter note, I recently got into contact with this boy that I’ve known since elementary school and had this major crush on before he moved away when we were in middle school. Since then, we have been in constant contact and its weird but I definitely still see this great and sweet guy who I happen to have a lot in common with c: When I talk to him I feel a little better about all this mess…

Hopefully I’ll return home soon.

Messy hair, don’t care.

Adopting Your Own Kid.

So… if you’ve kept up with my posts, you know that I’ve recently moved to Missouri to be with my dad and my step-mom (and Jon) but the flip side of the whole thing is that I didn’t know of my father until I was 10 years old, didn’t contact him until March of 2013 and didn’t meet with him face-t0-face until November 2013 so its been a pretty wild year… but this post isn’t so much about my dad but about my step-mother, Tery.

Tery is easily one of the sweetest people I’ve ever met and her and I have so much in common. We like the same music, food, movies, same outlooks on things.. there’s just a lot (: Recently Tery apologized to me because she didn’t know if I would take offense to the fact that she’s introduced me as her daughter to everyone which I DO NOT!!! Tery and Ryan are definitely becoming a big part of my everything right now and I was just beyond happy to know that she’s accepted me so fast into a position that is so important and it’s nice to know that I’m in the family tree (and they’re introducing Jon as their son-in-law so he’s there too.)

I really think I’m gonna enjoy myself, just need to get over the culture shock of going from a city/suburb life to a middle-of-nowhere life.

Romance.

Personally, I feel like romance is a big, big, BBIIIGGGG part of a relationship, even if that relationship has lasted decades and I don’t mean that the relationship has to be ALL ABOUT romance… the little stuff is just as important as the big stuff… I’m saying that it is really, really nice to feel special and feel completely in love and have all of that mushy gooey crap even if its just for a minute; its nice to be reminded of the feelings you felt the very first time you kissed your special someone or the excitement of your first date or the moment you knew you were completely head over heels in love… Sometimes that is all someone really needs to make them feel better about anything.

 

Just a thought…